Being in love can be incredible – but it also has the habit of making us see our faulty relationships through rose-tinted glasses.
In reality, deciphering whether the relationship you are in is built to last can be difficult. So Gary Lewandowski, a relationship scientist, professor of psychology at Monmouth University came up with a list of 10 questions for deciphering whether your romantic relationship is good for you.
Lewandowski told he decided to create a list because the number one question he gets is: “How do I know if I’m in the right relationship?”
According to Lewandowski, responding “yes,” honestly, to these questions, which rely on both science-backed data and intuition, means your relationship is worth staying in.
The questions are:
- Does your partner make you a better person, and do you do the same for them?
- Are you and your partner both comfortable with sharing feelings, relying on each other, being close, and able to avoid worrying about the other person leaving?
- Do you and your partner accept each other for who you are, without trying to change each other?
- When disagreements arise, do you and your partner communicate respectfully and without contempt or negativity?
- Is your partner your best friend, and are you theirs?
- Do you and your partner think more in terms of “we” and “us,” rather than “you” and “I”?
- Do you and your partner have good opinions of each other – without having an overinflated positive view?
- Is your relationship free of red flags like cheating, jealousy and controlling behaviour?
- Do you and your partner share the same values when it comes to politics, religion, the importance of marriage, the desire to have kids (or not) and how to parent?
- Are you and your partner sexually compatible?
If you answer “no,” the bad news is your relationship likely won’t stand the test of time because “just because you can find good doesn’t mean it is a good relationship,” according to Lewandowski.
But the good news is breakups can be a good thing for you.